Even though I'd love to write a ton on this today, let's go back to #coliving 😅
Whenever there is tension, it is not enough to focus on finding a solution. Rather, one should focus on shifting the emotional state prior to finding a solution to overcome our differences.
And hence, getting out of tension is the result of changing the emotional state (of the individual and/or group) and the approach to finding a solution to the problem.
Being able to put words onto this allows me to explain what I've been doing as a personal coach, as a helper on relationships and as a facilitator-coachsultant for coliving communities: to create the right vibes/dynamics in order to find the best process to align action and values.
When in tension with yourself, your partner or a community - are you first raising the emotional state or going straight into the problem?
Anonymous Poll
0%
I focus on the problem straight up until there is a solution
50%
I focus on the problem but have limits on which state we can be in (ex: I stop when we get angry)
0%
I focus on both, trying to smooth things down while finding a solution to the problem
25%
I first focus on changing the state, then focus on finding a solution to the problem
25%
I don't know and need to understand this better (or observe myself more)
I need to say that most of my life, I first focussed on digging into the problem at hand, while trying to influence the state. But focussing on the state first has given me bigger results. Also, if often makes problems dissapear or allows person who has a problem to identify a deeper problem underneath ✨
And so the question goes for coliving communities: how can we engineer processes and rituals to get into and remain in a state of love-appreciation-listening-openness?
Would love to read any thoughts or rituals/processes that work for you in the comments of this thread 📝👍
Ok, I just wrote an entire blogpost about this subject.